Night Secrets

It is said that the night holds a thousand secrets.  And that is true for me.  Because late at night, after my wife has gone to bed, I become a time traveler.  My travels begin when I walk up the stairs and walk by the rooms that my children used to occupy when they lived at home.  I enter their rooms and stand beside their empty beds and it is there that I am transported. 

When they were young I would enter their rooms and look in on them before going to bed, just to reassure myself that they were alright.  I would stand beside them looking down on them, sometimes placing my hand on their backs to feel them breathing or I would brush my hand against their hair.

I would be filled with a great bursting of wonder and love.  Here were two people who lived because of me; whose personalities and habits would be shaped in part because of me; whose lives would forever be entwined with mine. Standing there I would wonder who they would become and what they would do with their precious lives; who they would meet and who they would love.

And, I wondered if they would continue to love me as our relationship evolved.  I wondered when they would discover that I did not have all the answers and that I was not a superhero.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, a time traveler such as me must return to the present.  And I always have to return from my travels in the past to those empty beds of the present.  Most of my questions about my children from those days have been answered.  They long ago discovered that I was not a superhero and that there are many things I do not know.  Our love for each other has evolved and it has withstood the passage of time. 

But, sometimes, when they are visiting, I will walk by their bedrooms and quietly open their doors.  And in their sleeping, I see them as they once were and I am once again transported to a long ago time.


Copyright ©Eric Lanier.  The right to download and store output of the materials from this website is granted for your personal use only, and materials may not be produced in any edited form. Any other reproduction or editing by any means, mechanical or electronic, without the express written permission of Eric Lanier is strictly prohibited. For additional information, contact Eric Lanier at ericelanier@gmail.com

Saving the World

There is a saying that "Everyone wants to save the world but no one wants to help mama with the dishes." Saving the world is a good idea, and it would be great if someone could wave a magic wand and do it. But, as we all know, it is not that simple. And that is the problem. The modern world has become vastly complex, yet modern humans demand uncomplicated answers and quick solutions. We love shortcuts and the easy road to success.

I think most of us feel that the world seems to be on the brink of some catastrophe waiting to happen. We are all holding our breath...waiting for the answer to be given to us. But the answer is us; us living up to the teachings of our religions. If only we could show the light of God, or Christ or Muhammad, or Buddha in the way we live and in the way we relate to others- but we are failing in this.

A few days ago I read an article posted on Facebook by a young person who had made the decision to leave the mainline church that she attended because after years of attending she concluded that she would never find the love of Christ as described in the Bible in Church. Another article in the local newspaper noted that "hate communication" on twitter originated most frequently in the areas of the country that have the highest population of churchgoers. Churchgoers may deny sending these hateful tweets, but even if we did not send them, it is a commentary that we have not been effective in leading our communities toward God. We have not saved our communities, let alone save the world.

Yet there is hope.  But there is no easy road to salvation; no shortcut to heaven; and the world will not be saved with the wave of a wand.   A man once asked Christ how he could have eternal life.  Jesus asked, “what is written in the law?”  And the man replied, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, and with all of your soul, and with all of your strength, and with all of your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.”  And Jesus told the man, “You have answered correctly.  Do this and you will live.”

The road to salvation is long and treacherous; filled with the nitty gritty details of ordinary things that require us to roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty- and work really hard; to lose sleep; to put the needs of others ahead of our own; to give up our creature comforts; to get out from behind our desks and actually leave our offices; to hold the hand of and work side by side with someone of a different race or nationality and experience for ourselves the world that we wish were saved.

Our lives are to be a reflection of Christ, or Muhammad, or Buddha to the world.

And if we do this, we will live.


Copyright ©Eric Lanier.  The right to download and store output of the materials from this website is granted for your personal use only, and materials may not be produced in any edited form. Any other reproduction or editing by any means, mechanical or electronic, without the express written permission of Eric Lanier is strictly prohibited. For additional information, contact Eric Lanier at ericelanier@gmail.com

Renting Pigs

I was in a coffee shop this past December, 2012, and the person behind the register said to me, " 2012 was so good that I am afraid that 2013 will be worse."  She was afraid of her future; afraid that her good fortune in life would fade.  So I wondered, how much did she really enjoy 2012.  I wondered if she was always looking over her shoulder, waiting for something bad to happen, waiting for the laughter to stop, waiting for the joy to turn to dread.

Since the downturn of the economy in 2008, I have met and talked with a lot of people who live this way.  They cannot fully enjoy their new job because they fear they will lose it.  They cannot enjoy the stock market gains for worrying about the next market downturn.

While it is advisable to plan and prepare and anticipate, we should not let our fears define who we are.  If we do, then we will become our fears.

One of my favorite movies is Lonesome Dove and my favorite character in that movie is Gus, played by Robert Duvall.  Gus had a sign made for the ranch which was supposed to welcome visitors.  But the sign focused on what the ranch was not rather than any of its welcoming attributes.  The most famous declaration on the sign stated, "We don't rent pigs."  When Gus' ranching partner, Captain Call, questioned why anyone in his right mind would want to rent a pig, Gus replied that that was just the point.  He did not want the kind of person who would rent a pig visiting his ranch.

Too often we define ourselves in the negative.  We think, " I am a person who does not do..."  " I am a person who does not believe..."  "I am a person who does not have..."  In order for us to develop spiritually and to grow in our relationship with God, we have to learn how to define ourselves in the positive.

When Moses asked God's name, God replied, "I am that I am."  Spiritual people are people who are rather than are not.  Moses defined himself as a person who could not answer God's call, but at God's insistence he relented.  When he embraced the fact that he was a child of God, he became the person that God knew him to be.

Spiritual people are always in the process of becoming and God is found in the affirmation of this becoming.  At some point, we can say that "I am God's creation."  " I am a person whose life has meaning and purpose."  And when we see others in this light- seeing them as who they are rather than who they are not- it changes our world view and makes loving others as we love ourselves a real possibility; even the people who rents pigs.


Copyright ©Eric Lanier.  The right to download and store output of the materials from this website is granted for your personal use only, and materials may not be produced in any edited form. Any other reproduction or editing by any means, mechanical or electronic, without the express written permission of Eric Lanier is strictly prohibited. For additional information, contact Eric Lanier at ericelanier@gmail.com

The Last Summer of Innocence

Note:  This was written in June of 1992 when my daughter, Erin, was going into the fifth grade.

School is out.  Summer vacation has just begun.  My daughter is a recent graduate of the fourth grade and she is ecstatic.  She is experiencing that feeling of freedom that comes with youth and the beginning of summer.  The days seem endless and the end of August seems somewhere on the far end of eternity.

But this summer is special for Erin.  She doesn't realize this yet.  She will not realize it for a long time, and when she does it will be a bittersweet memory.  This is her last summer of innocence.  Erin is now standing at a crossroad.  When she crosses that road nothing will ever be the same for her and she can never go back.

Erin is about to learn all about one of the great mysteries of humankind; the secret of life.  She will learn what it is to be a woman and to have a woman's body.  She will learn about the role of the man in this process and hopefully she will learn about the importance of love for one special person; the thing that gives meaning to this mystery.

As her father, I have mixed emotions about this.  I want to protect her from this knowledge, yet I want to see her grow up and mature into a normal adult.  I know that I cannot have it both ways.  So, Erin's crossroad has become my own.

On the day she was born I was in the operating room holding her mother's hand while the doctors closed the Cesarean section.  The nurses cleaned Erin up, put a funny hat on her head, wrapped her in a blanket and handed her to me.  Immediately all the love of my being came pouring forth and I thanked God for this great mystery of life and for women like my wife, and above all for this innocent child who would call me her father.

This is the last summer of that innocence.

If I were given three wishes, I would wish

• to enjoy this summer to the fullest possible extent.
• To look back on the past with fondness and not regret the passage of time.
• For the understanding and the courage to move forward.  

This summer may seem like an eternity to Erin.  But I am sure it will pass with the blink of an eye.

Copyright ©Eric Lanier.  The right to download and store output of the materials from this website is granted for your personal use only, and materials may not be produced in any edited form. Any other reproduction or editing by any means, mechanical or electronic, without the express written permission of Eric Lanier is strictly prohibited. For additional information, contact Eric Lanier at ericelanier@gmail.com

The Wasted Day

James Boswell was an 18th century writer whose most well-known work was his biography of Samuel Johnson.  Throughout Boswell's life he suffered from depression, a condition that he inherited from his father, Alexander Boswell.

In the midst of his depression, James would often talk about the most special day in his life; a day that stood out more than any other day; a day that was brighter in his mind than any other day; a day that he could point to and say that it was the best day of his life; a day that transformed him into the man he would become.  The specific date of this day, the day of the week, and the year were burned into his brain.

This day was the day that his father spent time with him.  His father, a busy man, took one whole day and went fishing with his son.  As an adult, James would describe this special day as being a day bathed in sunshine; a day of blue sky and cool breezes; a day of joy and peace and comfort, free of worry.  He would quote to his friends the things his father said to him that day and refer to the lessons that he learned while fishing next to his father.  His friends would say that "to know James Boswell was to know about that fishing trip and the significance it held for him."

Long after Boswell's death, a 20th century researcher, who was writing a book about Boswell, discovered that Boswell's father kept a journal most of his life.  The researcher, curious to know the thoughts of Boswell's father about that fishing trip, secured a copy of his journal and opened it to the date of that fateful day.  To his surprise the page was blank with the exception of one lonely sentence.  It read:

"Gone fishing today with my son; a wasted day."

James Boswell's father had no idea of the importance of that fishing trip.  In fact, to him it was a waste of time.  Yet, to James it was the most important event of his life; more important than any of his awards or achievements.

How tragic it is not to know the depth of our impact on others.  How many days have we spent doing things we thought were insignificant?  How many times have we felt inconvenienced by someone else?  How many days have we felt frustrated because our plans for our day were interrupted by someone asking a favor?

From our perspective these days may not have amounted to very much.  We may have thought them a waste of time.  But unknown to us someone's life may have been altered through our involvement or by something we said, or by a smile we gave.  You see, God never wastes a day.  We can be sure that He is using us even on the most ordinary days; days that may be more significant than any other day of our entire lives.

The Importance of a Persistent Friend

I once read that people who fall into the ocean at night often become disoriented.  In the chaos and the panic that follows, they actually begin to swim toward the bottom of the ocean instead of to the surface.  Some do not discover their error until it is too late. 

In my work as a pastor and in Stephen Ministry, I have discovered that people in crisis sometimes exhibit behavior that is the equivalent of "swimming to the bottom".  They stop eating properly; they don't sleep regularly; they stop exercising; they cut themselves off from their family, and friends; they separate themselves from the source of their inspiration such as scripture or going to church.  They stop answering the phone.  As a result their crisis spirals downward with an ever increasing speed.

Jesus once told a parable entitled "The Persistent Friend".  The persistent friend was a person who would not stop knocking at the door of his friend no matter how long he was ignored or told to go away.

A persistent friend during a time of crisis is a friend who is willing to intrude; who will speak the truth in love; who can put their own ego and needs behind them and put their friend's needs first; who has a thick skin; whose love triumphs over any slight or insult; someone who will keep knocking though the door is shut; who will walk with you in a crisis; who will not let you forget that you are not alone.

 Such a friend is truly God's gift.

The Night of the Day that Would Never End

I was 14 years old when Dad came home with some bad news.  Bud’s son had been shot in an accident.  “I don’t think they expect him to live.” said Dad.  Bud, his wife Ruby, and Bud’s son were at Duke Hospital, about an hour’s ride from Rocky Mount. 

Dad asked me to ride with him and we left around 6:00 pm.  As we rode, Dad told me about Bud and stories of their growing up together.  I never knew they were such good friends.  I could not remember their family visiting us much or us visiting them.  They never went on trips with us.  What I do remember is that Bud bought a rifle from Dad, and I wondered if that weapon was involved in this.

Arriving at Duke, we parked in the emergency room parking lot, found the waiting room, and walked in.  There in the corner of the room sat Bud and Ruby by themselves.  Bud stood up when he saw Dad and they embraced.  Bud’s wife began to cry.

“This is the day that will never end for us,” she said.  “Our circle has been broken.”  She repeated these words in a never ending stream.  “This is the day that will never end.  Our circle has been broken.” 

The doctors were letting Bud and Ruby see their son for fifteen minutes each hour.  It seems strange today that any parent would ever be denied access to their dying child, but no one present that night questioned the wisdom of this.

So, we sat in the waiting room, waiting for those fifteen minutes while Ruby chanted, “This is the day that will never end.”  Bud asked Dad if he would go with him to see his son.  He and Dad went back behind the closed door while Ruby and I sat in the waiting room.  Ruby quietly spoke to herself as I sat staring at the closed emergency room doors, scarcely comprehending what was happening.

I looked over at Ruby who was suddenly quiet and staring at me.  “You look like him, you know.”  Their son was a red-head with a heavy build and I had blond hair and was slight of build.  “You look so much like him,” she said as she put her arm around me.  She pulled me close to her and began speaking to herself again, “Our circle is broken.  Our circle is broken.  This is the day that will never end.”

Dad came out of the closed doors and walked over to Ruby.  “Ruby, you need to go back and be with Bud.”  Somehow Ruby understood the meaning of Dad’s words and tried to rise but could not find the strength.  Dad helped her to the doors and she went through them, walking slowly, as if this would slow down the inevitable.

Dad and I waited alone for what seemed an eternity before a dazed Bud and Ruby came out.  Both were crying.  I am not sure exactly what happened next.  My memory of the event skips from the waiting room to the parking lot.  I found myself walking beside Ruby.  She was telling Bud how much I looked like their son. 

 

The ride home was quiet; neither Dad nor I felt like talking.  We let the road roll before us in the headlights while the night of the day that would never end turned to dawn.


Copyright ©Eric Lanier.  The right to download and store output of the materials from this website is granted for your personal use only, and materials may not be produced in any edited form. Any other reproduction or editing by any means, mechanical or electronic, without the express written permission of Eric Lanier is strictly prohibited. For additional information, contact Eric Lanier at ericelanier@gmail.com