I never leave the house unless I check to make sure if I have the big three- my wallet, my keys, and my cell phone. These are the three essential things that I cannot go anywhere without. I keep my wallet in my back, left pocket. Doctors are now saying that men should not do this because it affects the way they sit and causes back problems. A wallet, they say, should be carried in one of the front pockets. Now, that’s a problem because I carry my keys and my cell phone in both front pockets. To switch my keys to my back pocket would result in tragedy, and I have enough trouble with my cell phone without the added problem of butt dialing someone every time I sit down.
I once tried to switch my keys from my right front pocket to my left front pocket. When my phone rang I was forever pulling out my keys. And once I switched my wallet from the left back pocket to the right and I could never quite find the right way to sit. No, my wallet has to stay in my back left pocket.
As soon as I enter the house I take my keys and wallet out of my pockets and put them in a place reserved for them on the bedroom dresser. If I don’t put them there I run around the house searching for them, turning things over, saying words I should not say under my breath. When I finally find them, it is like life is worth living again. I have imagined life without them and it was not a life that I want to lead.
I used to have a big four. My glasses were once right up there with my cell phone, wallet and keys. But now that I broke down and admitted that I needed bifocals, I never forget or misplace my glasses. I am always wearing them. So, no more big four. Just the big three. When it was the big four, leaving the house looked a lot like I was doing the Macarena. Now it just looks like I am patting myself on the legs and butt saying, “phone, keys, wallet! Let’s roll.”